Everybody has a history
Written by Sandra Cooze
Our behavior is shaped by many different influences. Our families usually are the first to shape us by teaching us what they believed in. My grandmother taught me that being proud of myself is bad. Her favorite phrase was ‘Careful, the ceiling might fall on you!’ After I mentioned being proud of a good grade in school. What she meant was that we have to be humble in any way we can. Yet, by telling me that I am not allowed to say that I am proud of myself for achieving something great, she instilled a feeling of never being worthy of recognition. It took me a long time to outgrow this outdated belief system.
Our behavior is also shaped by the people and situations we come in contact with. Emotional baggage, or blockages is something we all have. The severity of the emotional blockage depends on our experiences. A lot of negative behavior stems from our upbringing or even from how we were treated by a former spouse or partner, a parent or a friend.
Let’s look at abusive relationships. In this situation, a husband would for example tell his wife how terrible she was in bed, what a lousy cook or terrible mother she was. His wife would eventually believe these things. They would become part of herself. This in turn would lead to an emotional and spiritual blockage.
What would happen if this wife finally had the courage to leave her husband? Chances are, that she would choose to live alone for quite a while, yet still remain under her ex-husband’s influence. If she then, years later, met a new man, a good man, someone who treated her right, how would she react? The woman would most likely flinch in every situation her ex-husband would have lashed out at her and with that completely startle her new partner. This in turn could lead to a rocky relationship with her new partner, as he might not be able to understand her behavior.
I do have a friend who went through what I just described and now has a wonderful man. To say I am happy for her is an understatement. They are a wonderful couple and he cares so much for her and she for him. Yet, there are still moments where she feels unsettled by her past.
This is a blockage. Her ex-husband mistreated her so badly that now she is always prepared for an attack. So far she has not been able to completely relax and immerse herself in the new relationship. I know that many women are in a similar situation. The one piece of advice I would like to give you is to be honest with your new partner. Allow him to be compassionate and help you overcome your emotional trauma. If you are open to it, seek counselling and if you both feel comfortable with it, let him come with you. A counsellor can show you both how to get through this.
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Disclaimer: The entire content of this article is for entertainment purposes only and based upon my opinions, unless otherwise noted. The information in this article is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice in part or in whole. It is intended as a sharing of knowledge and information from my research and experience. I encourage you to make your own health care decisions based upon your research and in partnership with a qualified health care professional.